I arrived at Auldern in April of 2014 and left in June of 2016. Before attending Auldern Academy, I had spent a month in a rehab facility for drugs and alcohol and two months in a wilderness program. I can not say one bad thing about either of those places, besides the fact that they recommended Auldern Academy to my parents.
I will never forget the day I arrived. I was greeted by students telling me how terrible the place was and to get out while I still could. I cried to my parents about how everyone I talked to was miserable, and the staff told my parents to stop comforting me and leave at once. Within days I became friends with a girl. They looked at her as a “negative influence” and quickly tried to end our friendship. I had been there for three days when they set up a community group (a group where peers call each other out) strictly about my company with her. Staff told 55 students to sit in a circle and tell me something I was doing wrong. I never had in my entire life felt the way I did during that group. Students I did not even know were telling me how horrible I was (instructed by staff members), and my therapist was calling me out for things that I said in my private session.
A few days went by, and Sydney and I ended up peeing on the lawn and taking a picture of it. I cannot tell you why we peed on the property; I think it was our idea of fun in such a horrible place. Staff found the picture of us and placed us on a consequence called “Refocus.”
When placed on Refocus, you are not allowed to go to class or communicate whatsoever. Your days consist of work projects, walking up and down a hill with a backpack full of rocks, and my personal favorite, raking the forest. After even one week on Refocus, I had learned my “lesson.” I was utterly traumatized from not being able to speak and how they treated me during this time. The staff members would laugh and say I was allowed to eat because they “legally have to feed me,” but I could not enjoy my food. After some time on Focus, they evaluated us to see if the treatment team thought it was time to come off. It had been two weeks of us following all the rules, and they told us to stay on Focus because they thought more time would be beneficial. I felt so trapped because I was doing everything I was supposed to, yet they would not take me off this consequence. Finally, after 25 days, I was taken off Focus and allowed back into the community. A lot of people hated me because Auldern academy turns students against each other. The staff at auldern will give consequences for being friends with someone they disapproved of, and nobody wanted to deal with that.
I was so traumatized from the experience that I became a complete kiss butt. I was terrified of getting in trouble to the point where I would even tattle on other students to keep myself out of trouble. In no time, I was the staffs’ favorite. Being the staff’s favorite for a bit, I heard what they said about other students. It ranged from telling me other students’ diagnoses and their medications to referring to some using cruel names. I heard everything. Every night they would go into the office to talk about people, and a lot of times, they invited me to join. I had gotten very high up in the program and was doing everything I was supposed to by the time I had been there for a year. I was almost the highest phase; I was a student of the month for several months and would get picked for all the “positivity outings.” Somehow, this was not enough. They told my parents that they thought I needed to be there for at least another year. The news broke me. I had survived that year thinking there was an end in sight and I was utterly crushed when I found out. I got over it and continued doing everything right for the possible chance of getting out sooner.
Some time passed by, and they decided my fear of Refocus might be why I was doing so well, so they decided to put me back on Focus to shake things up. I was brainwashed and convinced this was not a terrible place for a while, but I could see things clear as day after that happened. I knew who the staff were, and it finally sunk in that they wanted me to suffer. It got to the point where I was so terrified of Refocusing that I would turn myself in for things that nobody could find out. Auldern had a way of making you think they know everything and that they were always watching.
After I had been there for some time, I remembered that I had sent a nude picture to someone from my previous high school on my first break home. Terrified that they would find out, I told on myself. After, they forced me to stand up in front of the entire community and say that I sent nude pictures and explain why what I did was wrong. That not being enough, they decided to call my parents and tell them about this. I will never forget the phone call with my father about sending a nude picture at 15 years old. The more miserable I became, the harder I sucked up to them. I had to get out of there. I could not stay until I was 18.
There was a consequence for everything there: Cutting yourself, kissing someone, listening to an iPod without having the privilege, etc.
Eventually, I got out of that place despite them convincing my parents I was not ready. I was unprepared for what was coming when I got home. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying for someone to help me, and I would not remember it. I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder weeks after being home from Auldern. I still have severe panic attacks to this day, but I have learned to control them.
I am speaking out to save others from what I have survived. To keep them from watching friends dying from drug overdoses. An addiction they were never treated for because Auldern academy told them they were lying. TTI abuse must stop, and if putting myself out there is the only way, so be it.