“Recently, things I have pondered on for the last 10 years have come to light. Breaking Code Silence has given us the voice we did not have. As of recently, during the Covid-19 quarantine, my thoughts and emotions have been overcome by the trauma I encountered during my stay at Midwest Academy. The same feelings of isolation and uneasiness of not knowing what lies ahead have resurfaced. In the past couple of months, I came upon BCS and I felt as I am officially ready to share my story; especially to help myself heal, others heal, and hopefully to prevent other kids from having to go through what we all went through.
When I was 14 years old, I struggled immensely. I had issues with anxiety, suicidal ideation, outbursts, self-injury, as well as drug abuse. I was your typical “troubled teen,” not going to school, running away, being hospitalized, etc. My therapist recommended my parents send me to Midwest Academy in Keokuk, Iowa. That is when my story with WWASP and the “troubled teen industry” began.
I joined my new “family.” I could not say hello to anyone. I could not even make eye contact with anyone or that would result in a consequence. I had to walk in line structure, pivoting at corners and had two “Upper Levels” holding onto me at all times. They gave me a handbook and I had to copy it word-for-word. Instead of starting school, or adjusting to my new surroundings, I sat there and cried as I looked at all the rules. There were hundreds of rules.
I had a breakdown in my first week there. I was already struggling with anxiety, and my depression was coming in full force. I did not have anyone to talk to, no one to relate to. I was brought out to talk to some higher-level staff and another student. I was so confused about what was going on and got no compassion. I was told I was trying to manipulate to go home. I was told my parents were not going to come to get me until I graduated from the program. I was told I needed to suck it up and start “working on my program.” They threatened to take me to OSS, or out of school suspension, aka solitary confinement. I did not want to do that, so I pushed down my feelings and joined my “family” again.
MWA was based on a point system. Level 2 was 200 points. You typically were a “Bunk Leader” and had a “Bunk Buddy” that you could recommend consequences to. You had to recommend your buddy Consequences so you could progress in the program. If not, you got Consequences. As my program progressed, I was a Level 3 mainly the whole time. I also was given the title “Dorm Leader” and wore a medal. That meant I recommended everyone in my room Consequences, or else I would get one.
Being an “Upper Level,” you got the most privileges. You could not move up in levels unless you completed seminars. They happened every couple of months. For any small thing, you could be “chosen out” of a seminar, thus leading to you having to retake it and making your journey to going home a lot further away. We did homework for the seminars. There were six levels.
Getting points was very difficult, as one consequence could take away all your daily points. A Cat 2 as they called it. Cat 3’s you missed two days of points. Cat 4’s, you were dropped a level and to the minimum amount of points for that level. Cat 5’s and you were back to Level 1, 0 points. We did “self-reflections” every night and if the staff did not agree with your rating, you were taken away points. If you were a level 4 or above and you got -50 points in a week, you were put on probation, meaning you had to be a Level 2 for a week. They could also put you on situational probation.
I managed to get to Level 4 after nine months of being there, and that is when everything went downhill for me.
My depression was back. It was my usual depression month. I had weeks of no consequences and good behavior. I graduated from my seminars. I was a robot. I was brainwashed. I was doing what I had to do to get home. Then I fell asleep during school. Cat 3- 50 points gone and put on probation. Then I fell asleep again. Another Cat 3, and again. I trended out. I was put on “Life Buddy,” as I felt extremely suicidal, but no one would contact my psychiatrist. They told me I was doing it as “manipulation” to go home. I had to sleep in the hallways. Then I self-injured. I was sent to OSS.
OSS was terrifying. I was suicidal and all I could look at were bright concrete walls. They shut the huge metal door on me, so I was alone with my thoughts. I was fed PB&J and skim milk three times a day. I had to sit in a 24-hour structure, with no movement, or talking, to get out of OSS. I then had to write an essay on how I was going to change my behaviors to get out. I did not know what to do. I did not know what to say. I would cry and my 24 hours would start all over again. I remember acting out and trying to harm myself because that is all I knew to do when things got rough for me. I was never taught coping skills during the seminars. I was restrained by the female staff and when they did not want to deal with me anymore, they had males restrain me. I am a sexual assault survivor, so having males touch me was not easy. I acted out even more. Then I got sent to the boy’s side OSS, which was a concrete tile room, with one light bulb hanging down. I ended up ripping up the tile and slitting my wrist, attempting suicide. I was taken to the ER to get stitches. That day a staff member told me I was not going to cut deep enough. I almost did.
During my stay in OSS, I ended up having to go to a psych unit due to them not being properly trained to handle my condition. How? How is a “therapeutic boarding school” not trained to help people in crisis? I went back to MWA, being carried out of the psych unit as I screamed that I did not want to go back, and they promised me a “therapy visit” with my parents. To prepare for that visit, I wrote down every reason why I needed a different treatment. Little did I know, my parents were about to pull me and send me to a residential treatment facility that was accredited. The staff would not leave us alone that entire visit, so my parents could not tell me. They left and I felt hopeless. Until a couple of days later, I was pulled.
I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Chronic PTSD, Anxiety, and various other issues. After the program, I still struggled with drug use. I still have issues with sharing my feelings, as I feel like they do not matter. It has been a long road to recovery, and I am still on it. I have a good relationship with my family, but I still feel very misunderstood when it comes to my time at Midwest Academy.”