“I was searching for information about the wilderness program I was sent to in 1993. It is called Redcliff Ascent, and I was in the second group of kids to be put in the program. I was sent there on November 27th or 28th of 1993, and I came home around January 25th of 1994. My experience was traumatic and horrible, mixed with my love for nature and camping. I lived in fear of returning back and had often hoped that these programs would be called out for the child abuse that they inflict, and eventually be shut down. But they seem to be getting stronger.
I grew up in a devout large Mormon family in Southern California. My stepfather was abusive, and I became depressed, withdrawn, and highly anxious. I was afraid to go home. I asked my mom if I could go to a therapist. She agreed as long as it was a Mormon therapist. After my first session, the therapist asked to speak with my mom in private. I found out later that the therapist told her “you are going to lose that one.”
She told her I was suicidal and showed her a pamphlet of a wilderness program in Utah that was run by Mormons. It was five thousand dollars a month. I do not know if the therapist was licensed, or if she got some sort of kickbacks for sending teens to these programs, or if she really believed that this was what I needed. But my mom was terrified and felt that she had to save me.
It was about a year later that I was sent to Redcliff. My anxiety had gotten worse. I was running away from home; I did not know what to do with the stress and fear I felt on a daily basis. I did not know the impact of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse that was being inflicted on me and my sisters by our stepdad. I did not do drugs or anything like stealing.
So, my mom told me I was going camping, and I was so excited. I got on a plane, met some random Mormon family at SLC airport (I think), and was really looking forward to camping and being away from my stepdad. I stayed with the family for a couple of days, going through some psychological testing and evaluations. I remember asking if there would be horses at the camp I was going to. One night we got in a Jeep and drove for hours. In the middle of the night, we drove in the backcountry, up and over rocks. At one point they stopped and told me to get out of the car, handed me a sleeping bag, and drove away. At sunrise a man was standing over me, kicking me, saying “get up”.
Not far from me were a group of teens, standing around a fire with a couple of adults. The teens scrutinized me and scowled. This was not the camp with horses I had imagined. Any time I asked a question, they said “no future questions.”
I thought there was a mistake, there was not. My mom had tricked me.
While I was there I tried to break my leg to be sent home. I developed asthma and I jumped into the back of a truck to try to escape, (hunters that were driving through the wilderness). My knees stopped working. I was punished with no fire, no food. I was ridiculed daily and kicked when I fell down. The leaders determined I was not “rehabilitated” after the first month and convinced my mom I needed another 30 days. Another five thousand dollars for them.
During my time out there, the counselors (there were always three) would occasionally talk about the importance of the Mormon faith. The owner of the company would come out every Friday to drop off our food, (Ziploc bags of rice, lentils, flour, dry milk, and oats). He would meet with us individually and he would ask how I felt about the church. I figured that if I spoke positively about it, then I would be treated better and might get to go home.
When I did get to go home, I was reminded many times that they had a money-back guarantee, and any wrong move I made they would come to my house and pick me up and take me back out there. So, I did what I was supposed to do, I went to church and I did not talk to anyone at school. Redcliff would have parents call me so I could tell them about what a great program it was and how their child was going to benefit from it, just like me.
There are so many stories from people that went through these programs. Really traumatic stories. Children die in these programs. The majority are left with deep emotional scars. My experience was 25 years ago, and I am managing the PTSD from my experience. Parents sign over their guardian rights to these programs (at least that is what they told me when I was there).
Most of the kids in my groups were sent by the state, they had been in the Utah “homes” or were foster children and were labeled as too troublesome for the homes. They would talk about being in restraints and being in solitary, and how that was all much preferred to the wilderness program. None of these programs have standards or accountability.”