“When I was 13, I went to a program in Hawaii for two and a half months, then to a place in North Carolina for 11 months. It was for self-harm and suicidal ideation.
When in North Carolina, it was clear that I needed more help than I was getting, so I went to a place in Utah. That place changed my life forever.
I was sexually assaulted multiple times and constantly bullied. One of the people who assaulted me had over 17 accusations against him, and the staff did not do anything. He was court-ordered to be there, so they could not kick him out. But there were many things they could have done, and they did not do anything.
I have PTSD from the program, and I am afraid I will never fully heal. I went there because I was getting increasingly suicidal, but I had never actually attempted. I attempted suicide over 10 times in my 16 months there.
It should also be noted that I am transgender, and they deliberately put me on the girls’ dorm instead of the boys. I worked very hard to move to the boys and finally did. I made a mistake when I was over there; I had a (consensual) sexual encounter with someone. As a punishment, they moved me back to the girls’ dorm and put me on something called “Individual focus,” “IF” for short. When on IF, you are not allowed to talk to anyone. You must sit alone in a room and sit in your thoughts. I was so suicidal, and I had my closest attempt then.
Three people who I personally know from that place died after they left. One committed suicide, one overdosed, and one was shot. No one who went there is sober. It was a horrible environment. I ended up moving back to the boys’ dorm for my last seven months, but I had still spent more than half my time there in the girls’ dorm. That place made me hate myself so much.
Some of the staff were horrible. One staff member named Tod tried to fight a student, and another staff whom we nicknamed “Reverend” repeatedly (intentionally) called me a girl and threatened me at one point. Luckily, he was fired, but the other horrible staff there were not. There was a staff member who gave her number to a 17-year-old and told him that she was attracted to him. There was another staff member who let a student hit a Juul from between her breasts. Those two quit because they knew they would get fired once the director found out.
All in all, it was a horrible experience, and I left with dozens of physical and mental scars, of which some will heal, and some will not. I am speaking out because I do not want anyone else to have to go through what I went through. I do not want any more kids to die because their treatment place could not help them.”