ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES.
I have never spoken about this topic, but now being in ‘isolation’ I cannot help but think about it. Especially seeing all the kids who are upset about not going to prom or high school graduation, etc. Being told that I cannot go anywhere or feeling “stuck” gives me massive anxiety. You can tell me whatever you want, but that is how I feel, and here is my story…
June 2005,15 years ago: I was ripped from my bed as a teenager in the middle of the night, handcuffed, carried out of my house, and put into a car. No explanation and no idea what the hell was going on. I had one stop at McDonald’s to use the bathroom, they (still don’t know who those people are or their names) thought I would run, so the woman (There was 1 female, 1 male, both very large.) came into the bathroom with me and would not allow me to shut the stall. She stood there like it was normal. Little did I know, this would be my new normal…
Six hours later, with still no explanation, no phone to call my parents, no form of communication, we finally arrived in Hell: Academy at Ivy Ridge. I did not know it then, but this would be life for the next few years. They took my bags (packed not by me obviously) from the back of the car and walked me to the front door, where they used a special key to get in. They waited for staff, signed some papers, dropped me and my bags inside the building, and left. I was “greeted” by a staff member, a few Upper Levels, and my HOPE buddy.
Real quick I will explain that: An Upper Level is someone who gains points and reaches past level 3. You gain points and raise levels by receiving merits at the end of the day for behavior, attitude, etc. You must follow every order barked at you by the dorm parents to receive these points and hope to God at the end of the day they approve them.
A HOPE buddy is assigned to someone, for 3 days, who is being brought into the facility to explain all the rules and has permission to talk. Yes, permission to talk; that is one of the thousands of rules we had to remember within those 3 days. NO TALKING!
Some of the other rules:
– No TVs
– No music
– Ask for permission to get up and to sit down
– No eye contact, gestures, NO CONTACT
– No looking out windows
– Walking in straight lines and pivoting around corners
– No communication with the outside world
– No phones
– You write letters on Sundays to immediate family only and they are all monitored before being sent
– You receive mail once a week from immediate family only, no exceptions
– If you had to fart you had to ask for permission to get up and go in the corner while holding up three fingers.
I could go on and on.
After that, I was taken through hallways and locked doors to the back of the building, into a dark and dingy room with a cot and a bathroom. I was told to undress, squat, cough, take off any jewelry, and any dignity I had left at this point. I was given grey sweatpants and sandals to change into, which I would wear until my school uniform came in.
I was told if I do not comply, that room is where I would stay, which I did for a few days. If I correctly remember cheese sandwiches were the only meal choice. I worked on Sheets while sitting in an empty room being watched 24/7. (Sheets is just writing the rule book from beginning to end and an essay as to why I should be accountable for my actions so I can be let out of this hole.) I finally compiled because that was the only way I thought I could go back to normal, but I was so wrong.
I will never forget the terror and feelings I had from being in that place. Hearing students screaming in the other room. You could not help your friends when you wanted or hug them when they were crying. There was so much abuse emotionally, no one even knew who they were anymore. We were all so young, just trying to survive. Normal was no longer part of life, being a kid was no longer an option. This was my new life. I was trapped.
My HOPE buddy explained to me the rules for the next three days as we walked in lines, stayed silent, and followed every rule that was barked at us; because if we didn’t, we would be most likely restrained, sitting feet flat with back straight and eyes forward, writing Sheets. The second choice was to lay flat with your nose on the floor.
We finally got to the dorms (where we slept), we walked in a line looking straight ahead because looking out of line or out the window was no longer allowed. I walked down a dark hallway with the most unsettling feeling and followed my buddy into my new room: A bunk bed, three drawers, and a window with a cage over it. I was given 1 toothbrush, 1 toothpaste, 1 hairbrush, and 2 hair ties. Those were the only essentials I had. I remember not sleeping that night. I tried tying a sock around my neck hoping by morning I would stop breathing because I did not want to wake back up there. Staff walked up and down the hallway 24/7 making sure everyone was laying on their bed.
“Wake up, 54321! Count off!”
“What in the fuck?!” I thought.
All I remember is 100+ girls scrambling for their correct spot in line with uniforms and toothbrushes in hand, looking terrified as hell. It was 5 seconds, and everyone was in line trying to stay standing. About 30 or 40 of us would go into the large bathroom with 4 stalls maybe and 3 sinks. 6 minutes to dress, brush your hair, teeth, and go to the bathroom. If you did not get a stall in time, sucks for you, you waited until the next bathroom break. The whole time the staff was in the bathroom yelling “hurry up” and counting off the time. Heading to breakfast, all in a line, looking forward, pivoting around corners, and NO TALKING! You were to eat everything on your plate.
I stayed there until I was 17. I was home for less than 2 months before I was sent back the same way, 2 days before Christmas. I stayed until I was 18. I had no prom, no senior pictures, no Christmas, Easter, vacations, etc. I had no childhood experiences in my teens with my friends and my family.
I did school in silence on the computer for over 8 hours a day. The only thing that made us feel normal was on Sundays when we watched an old movie and were given a candy bar. This was now my new life for the next few years.
There is so much more to talk about from the abuse, lack of nutrition, lack of hygiene, emotional distress, and so on. The facility is now closed, along with many others, because they finally started to realize what those places were doing.
I do not have senior pictures, I did not attend prom, I was not pictured in a yearbook from my accomplishments. I did not exist then, but I have made it now! Those were my teenage years.
Isolation is not so bad when you have your loved ones there, or through video/phone. When you are healthy, loved, safe, and have peace. Be grateful for the things you do have.”
-Kaitlyn
#BreakingCodeSilence
#AcademyIvyRidge
#AIR